She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
