just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
