Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
