Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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