Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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