I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
