Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
