She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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