Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
