True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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