Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
