im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
