After last night, I could never be a politician.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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