do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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