Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
