Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
