Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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