Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
