that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
