dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
