My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
