he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize