We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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