Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
