worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Two words: blizzard sex
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize