goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
