Im at strip club and am horny
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
