It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize