now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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