Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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