The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
