Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
