If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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