I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
