At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
