There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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