how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The adults are the big ones right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
