I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
