the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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