I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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