I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
