I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
