im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
