Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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