Sry I called you an 8
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
