Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
