dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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