Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize