i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
