"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
