If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
