Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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