I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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