I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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