Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
