id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
