I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
