tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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