i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
