I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
