8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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