what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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