I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
