Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
