Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
