i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
