I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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