she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
