Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
