if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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