it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
