i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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