i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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