3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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