I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
