Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
