She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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